And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
