Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
