I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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