okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
