Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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