tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
