last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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