I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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