I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
