what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
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