Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
