Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We left the knife in your bed.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
