I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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