I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
