I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
