You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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