There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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