Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
