that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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