How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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