Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
