This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
