Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
You can't motorboat a personality
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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