I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
