You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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