I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
