No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
