why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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