put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
