So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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