I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize