wrigley field is MILF paradise
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
We are two peas in an std pod
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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