there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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