....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
4 words: hood of his car
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize