apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
