jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just want nice things and good sex
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
