What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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