I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
