I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
