If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
