i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
