I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
