you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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