no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
