I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
