she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
