come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
