I wish I only lived at night.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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