How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
