Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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