Life is so much better after having sex.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize