OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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