I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
