these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
