he wants to bone in the snuggie
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So much rum. So many feels.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize