I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
