He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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