i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
