Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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