He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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