She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
