break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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