If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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