this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
