I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
