what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
