I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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