I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
