My underwear smells like fireworks.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize