never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
