I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
