I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize