Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
