My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
