Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize