I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
