Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
