I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
