is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
