I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
