I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They took my balls.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
