Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
