You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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