the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I cut my penus on the lid.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
