i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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