fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Randomize
