the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
