she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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