Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
