ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
