i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
